Happy Heart

My house is a happy place right now, at least for me, and my heart is smiling! Both of my kids are in their rooms playing an instrument. For Sadie, it is her ukulele. She got it last January, and taught herself to play, and she plays it fairly often...almost daily, and usually sings along. And every time I hear it, I smile. But it also made me miss hearing Aaron play his guitar..

Both of my kids have musical talents, and both can sing (a lot) better than Toby and I. Aaron started playing guitar in 2nd grade, I think. He got a mini-Fender electric guitar from Santa and started lessons that year. And he played through most of elementary school. But he quit lessons in 5th grade (or sometime around then). And shortly after that, he pretty much quit playing guitar at all. A few times, when he was grounded and couldn't do anything else, he would pick up his guitar (no longer a mini...he got a full-sized electric guitar in 3rd grade). But always, once he was ungrounded, he would quit playing.

Until now. About a month ago, we took Aaron in for some testing. It was expensive, and it was basically really in-depth aptitude testing, to help him figure out what he wants to do with his life...what major for college/what career path. It was a day and a half of testing, and then we sat down with his tester and were told the results. One of the things the testing revealed was that Aaron has great tonal memory. The guy said what that means is that if he hears a tune, he can go sit down at a piano and would probably be able to figure out how to play the melody, without any music being available. We all looked at each other, and smiled, because Aaron does this pretty often. He has never had a piano lesson, but when he hears a song he likes, he will sit down and mess around on the piano for about 2 minutes and then be able to play the melody (not the full harmony...just the right hand, and just a single note at a time). Ever since then, Aaron has been playing his guitar more and more. And just like on the piano, he can figure out the melody of songs on the guitar too. Again, not the chords, but the melody.

And this momma is loving it! I love hearing them play their instruments. I am a practical person, and I know that music is not necessarily going to be either of their career path (and the rational person in me would hope that they wouldn't choose that as a career because it can be such a difficult career), but I know that them being able to play instruments is something they can do for life, and it can bring joy to them, and me, and all around them!

Aaron's Diagnosis (Part 3)

So, we ended up spending 3 days in the hospital with Aaron. It was primarily for education, because there is A LOT to know about managing diabetes. Like I said in my previous post, Aaron did a great job learning what he needed to know. By the time we were discharged (Friday afternoon), he was very adept at checking his BS, calculating his carbs and the amount of insulin he needed to give based on his BS and carbs. He was also a pro at giving himself his shots.

On the last day, he learned how to use an insulin pen (instead of using syringes). These are so much easier to "draw up" the dosage, and the needles are so small. The nurse practitioner for the group set up all the stuff we needed at the pharmacy and arranged for it to be delivered to the hospital before we left so we wouldn't have to go pick it up. She also gave us 2 "coupons" to help lower the cost of insulin for us.

We came home, and began our new normal. For the first week, I was very thorough in keeping track of everything Aaron ate (along with the carb counts) and keeping track of his BS and dosages. On Aaron's part, he never missed a beat. He went out with friends that first night home. When he told me he was going out with friends to watch a movie, my initial response was no. I mean, he just got out of the hospital, right? But when he asked me why he couldn't go, I really didn't have a valid reason, other than I didn't want him to leave my sight. But I knew that he couldn't be controlled by diabetes, and he was obviously not going to let it change his life. I needed to not allow it to change how I treated him either.

A few weeks after this, I was alone with Aaron outside. I told him how proud I was of him and how he had been handling everything. He looked at me and said "how else am I supposed to handle it? It's not like anything would change if I got mad or angry or depressed about it."

And that's Aaron. He doesn't get easily ruffled. He takes things in stride. To this day, I still worry. Right now, we are kind of in limbo. Since August 12, he hasn't needed to take any insulin, which is very unusual. His doctor says he is in the honeymoon phase, and that eventually, we will be back to needing insulin, and having to do all those calculations and worrying about low blood sugars. But we've had almost 4 months of no insulin, and I praise God for that. And I pray that if (or when) Aaron in no longer in the honeymoon phase, that he will adjust just as smoothly as he did when he first got his diagnosis.

Aaron's Diagnosis (Part 2)

So, Wednesday morning, I took Sadie to school and then Aaron and I headed to the pediatrician's office. We were immediately brought back to a room, and then sent Aaron to the bathroom with a specimen cup for a urinalysis. When he came back to the room, they checked his BS. The nurse had a tough time with the glucometer. She tried a few times, but it wouldn't register, so she went to get batteries. She tried again and finally got a number. I can't remember the exact number. I remember it was a little lower than 278. I think it was in the 240's. But still way too high. The nurse left, and we waited for our pediatrician to come in.

We didn't wait long. I heard her walk up to the door. I knew she was checking the chart, to see the BS and the UA results. And I heard what she said. I know she didn't say it very loud, and her intent was not for us to hear it. Two simple words. They confirmed what I already knew. "Oh no." And then the door opened.

She sat down and told us that he was spilling glucose in his urine (meaning that there was too much glucose in his blood stream and his kidneys couldn't handle it and they were allowing glucose to get into his urine). That, combined with his blood sugar did indeed mean diabetes. She said the one positive is that there were no ketones in his urine...that we caught it early. But I knew...catching it early wasn't like catching cancer early. Catching it early didn't give you a better chance of "beating it" or being cured. Diabetes isn't curable. It is manageable. But once you have it, you are a diabetic for life.

The doctor left the room to call a pediatric endocrinologist, who told her to send us to the hospital. Her instructions were to go straight to the hospital. Not to go home and pack a bag, but straight to the hospital. So, we did.

On the ride to the hospital, I called Toby to let him know everything. And then I called my mom to tell her. After I got off the phone with mom, Aaron asked me to call his "other mom." His best friend's mom, Linda, treats him like a son, and he loves her like a mom. I thought it was sweet that he wanted to make sure she knew. I also texted the school principal (who is a close friend of mine), and let her know that she could let the school know.

Initially, Aaron was put in pediatric ICU. He was put there because the pediatric endocrinologist misunderstood when our pediatrician called and thought Aaron DID have ketones in his urine. But, even if they hadn't misunderstood, we still would have started out in ICU because they didn't have any regular rooms available. So, they hooked him up to a monitor, and got his IV started (it took 2 attempts), and drew labs. They wouldn't let him eat anything until the labs came back, so it was pretty miserable for this teenage boy, who hadn't had any breakfast, to wait for.

Aaron's Diagnosis (Part 1)

One of the main reasons I wanted to restart blogging is because of what happened in April (and here it is, the end of November and I'm just now getting around to actually writing about it).

On Saturday, April 21, Aaron came into my room and said he needed to use our bathroom because Sadie was in theirs. This happens occasionally, and he just said it as he walked past me into our bathroom. When he came out, he casually mentioned that he was having to go to the bathroom "like, all the time." As a nurse, and a sister of a diabetic, this caught my attention immediately, and my mind went into panic mode. But I used all my power to keep a calm face and tone as I asked him "Well, are you drinking more?' His response caused even further panic in me. He said, "Yeah, I'm thirsty all the time." Frequent urination and increased thirst are 2 of the tell-tale signs of diabetes. But I still tried to keep a calm façade for Aaron. We visited about it a little more, and he said he was even having to wake up a few times each night to go to the bathroom.

I MADE myself not react to all of this. You see, when he was younger (like 4 or 5), I had tested his blood sugar I think 3 different times, each time because I was convinced he was diabetic. And his blood sugar was always fine. So I decided that this was probably just the same, and decided to wait a few days and see if anything changed. Each day, I would ask him the same questions: Are you still having to pee a lot? Did you have to wake up to go to the bathroom last night? How many times?

After school on Monday, 4/23, when he was still answering yes to those questions, I told him we needed to check his blood sugar. I told him he needed to go to Granny's house and ask to borrow her glucometer so we could check. He said he didn't want to do that, so I told him I would have Toby go get it the next day, and we would check it right after school Tuesday. I told him not to have anything to eat or drink after lunch that day, and to come straight home.

So Tuesday afternoon, Toby went to his mom's to get the glucometer. He also ran a few errands for her before he came home with it. So it was about 4:45 when we finally tested his BS. As soon as we pricked his finger and put the drop of blood on the strip, the glucometer started processing. It only took a few seconds, but it felt like forever. In those few seconds, I remember thinking "it's going to be like all the other times. I've gotten myself all worked up, and watch. His BS is going to be like 80."

When his number popped up on the glucometer, my heart sank. I've heard that expression hundreds of times. I've probably even used that expression before. But this was such a literal feeling of my heart sinking into my gut.

At the same time, my heart was also in my throat. 278. Two hundred seventy-eight. Even as I type that number, my heart seems to stop beating. I am staring at that number, much as I did that afternoon. Time and world seemed to just stop...and at the same time to spin all around me.

For those of you who are not aware, a normal fasting BS is 70-110. I knew what a 278 meant. As my entire being wanted to just crumple onto the floor, my mom-sense and my nursing training kicked in. We teach our nursing students to keep their "nurse face" on, when they see something unsettling or smell something horrendous, or are there when a patient gets a life-altering diagnosis. I knew at that moment that my son was a diabetic. I knew what that meant for him. I knew how it would change his life. I didn't let any of that show on my face though. Toby asked me what we needed to do.  I knew it would mean a trip to the hospital, but I wasn't sure of how we needed to proceed. So, I texted Aaron's pediatrician, who also happens to be a friend of mine. I texted her because it was close to 5:00 and I wasn't sure if the office would still be taking calls.

In the text, I explained everything that led up to us testing his BS, and told her what the number was. I asked her what she wanted us to do. She asked several questions about whether or not he was having any other symptoms, and since he was not, and did not exhibit any signs of ketoacidosis, she asked us if we could come in to the office first thing Wednesday morning, with Aaron not having eaten anything since bedtime. So that is what we did.

And with that, this post is getting pretty long. I'm going to stop for now, and will continue his story in the next post.