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I wonder if I will be able to sleep tonight...
You see, I am in general, the type of person who has a hard time falling asleep just on a normal night, before a normal day. My brain skates through thousands of possible scenarios for upcoming events...things I need to remember to say, or have the guts to say (but never do), or things to avoid saying or doing. Things to remember to get done the next day, or next week. Imagining what could happen in different scenarios, and how I would react to each one. My brain just isn't easy to put in rest mode.
And tonight isn't a night before a normal day. Tomorrow, Aaron has surgery. And I feel like such a crazy mom for even being worried about it because it is such a non-risky procedure. He has a hemangioma that has sprouted on his scalp, and over the last 2 months, it has grown a lot, so our doctor said it needs to be removed. And it isn't even like the chances of the pathology will come back with something bad. Hemangiomas are very benign (almost always). So really, there is nothing (or at least, very, very little) to be worried about.
But I am worried. Not about the procedure, and not about the pathology. I just don't like that this will be his first time under anesthesia. General anesthesia is very low risk too. So I shouldn't even be worried about that. But I am. You never know if someone is going to have a fatal reaction to anesthesia until they received anesthesia. And as a nurse, I *KNOW* that is very uncommon and that there is a very minimal chance that will happen.
But this is my kid. My son. My baby boy (although if he knew I called him that, he wouldn't be happy).
This makes me wonder how any parent ever gets through more serious surgeries, more serious diagnoses. I couldn't imagine having to worry about not only the reaction to anesthesia, but also worry about whether or not my kid will survive surgery, and then whether or not they would have any complications after surgery.
God truly knows what we can handle, and He knows I can't handle much. I am weak. I should trust in Him. I should know that His divine plan is so much greater than anything I could ever imagine in my little brain.
So if I am a little crazy today...or very sleep deprived tomorrow...please forgive me. I am a crazy mom and can't help it...
I missed A LOT of days. I got busy with my kids' activities, Thanksgiving prepping, and Black Friday prepping. So, here I will try to catch up...
Day 16: I am thankful for Aaron. He is growing up way too fast, and can sometimes be moody as he enters those tween years (I guess...I don't really know what exactly a tween is, but I know he isn't a TEEN yet...thank goodness). But more than anything else, he is a blessing. He has gifts and talents that I don't, and I love watching him use those gifts that God has blessed him with, especially his singing and guitar playing. I am also thankful for how much he loves Sadie. Even though he would never admit it, he does love her and he does watch out for her. And he still lets me hug him in public...as long as not too many people are around.
Day 17: I am thankful for Sadie. She is such a joyful little girl. She is always full of giggles and cuddles, and her smile can melt my heart. She, too, is growing up way too fast, especially because she has a big brother and thinks she can do anything and everything he can do. She loves with all her heart, and is very compassionate.
Day 18: I am thankful for the ACTS retreat and community. I cannot begin to express how much going on this retreat changed my relationship with our Lord. I see His work in my life in a much clearer way, and I feel so much closer to Him. I know that I have to continue to work on this relationship, but the ACTS retreat definitely gave me a huge jump start.
Day 19: Today I am thankful for Toby's family. He is who is he today because of them and because of the way he was raised. I know lots of other people help shape him as well, and to all of them, I am thankful.
Day 20: I am thankful for contacts. It is really a love-hate relationship between me and my contacts, but they truly have made my life so much better. I have horrible vision, and without contacts, I would not be able to really enjoy going to the pool or lake, and I would walk around with super thick glasses and look even nerdier than I am. So even though I sometimes want to peel my contacts out of my eyes, I am still thankful for them and that my eyes can still be corrected with lenses.
Day 21: I am thankful for all my teachers. I have always loved learning, and have been blessed to have had some terrific teachers to share their knowledge with me. Having taught middle school, high school and college, I know the sacrifices they have made, and I can never thank them enough.
Day 22: I am thankful for my grandparents. I am blessed to have had some wonderful examples of work ethic, faith, and how to treat people. And these are the people who raised my parents to be the great people they are, so they deserve a big thanks for that too. I miss each of them and wish they were all here to share Thanksgiving with us.
Day 23: I am thankful for my Black Friday team. We kicked booty! Mom, thanks for always coming up and shopping with me and standing in line while I go look for other deals. And for always going to the stores I want to first. And to Angie and Karen...thanks for being willing to split up the stores and get the stuff I am looking for at the stores you go to. And to the rookie this year, Toby. Thanks for sitting outside in line for 8 hours and getting the 2 things we wanted at Best Buy. Black Friday would not be nearly as fun without all of you :)
Day 24: Today I am thankful for naps. After an exhausting Black Friday, and having to get up early again this morning to get one last deal that was a Saturday deal, a nap was super great. Thanks to Toby for letting me sleep a little :)
Day 25: I am thankful for the Christmas season. I love Christmas music and usually start listening to it before Thanksgiving. But now, I can proudly listen to it for the next several weeks, and enjoy the beautiful Christmas decorations and lights. What a wonderful time of the year :)
Today, I am thankful for Toby. There are way too many reasons I am very blessed to have him in my life, and I could never list all of them. However, in short, he has all the same values and morals I do and we see pretty much eye-to-eye on how to raise the kids. But it is sometimes our differences that I love most about him. You see, believe it or not, I am very flawed and broken. I know...this is probably a shock to many of you. But not to Toby. He KNOWS me...even the parts of me that I want to keep hidden. And I know him, too. And all of those flaws of mine...well, it seems that most of those are areas where he is very gifted. For instance...I am not a morning person. My ideal day begins no earlier than 9:00 am (and really, it would be better if it didn't even start until after noon). I also like to just sit around, watching TV or playing on the computer. But he is a morning person and I can count on him (when he's here) to get the kids up and take them to school. Or, like this morning, Aaron had to be at a choir performance no later than 6:45. Luckily, Toby was home and was able to get Aaron up and ready and delivered to the venue not just on time, but actually early! And he can't just sit around. He has to be doing something, all the time. So I have many wonderful projects that he has built for us and our families...bookcases, TV stands, doll houses. What an amazing guy :)
He really is a blessing to me. God knows what He's doing. I need to trust in that more completely, and more often :)
Woohoo! I am actually only posting one day today because I am actually not behind! And today, I am thankful for my kids' school. When we first sent Aaron there for Montessori when he was 3, the intent was not to send our kids to a private elementary school. It was just that the Montessori was just as cheap as daycare, plus he would be learning and not just sitting in daycare all day. After 2 years of Montessori, when he was ready to start kindergarten, there was no doubt that we would be sending our kids to the elementary there too :)
Their school is perfect for us. A Catholic education, plus the feel of a small-town school right in the middle of a big city...or at least big for me. It is wonderful that I know every kid in my kids' classes, and all the parents too. And I know all the teachers and most of the staff. And they all know me and my kids. My kids aren't just a number to anyone there. They are loved, and taught, and most importantly, grow in their love of Jesus. I think that the single most important job as a parent...far above any other job or responsibility...is to make sure your kids get to heaven. Everything else pales in comparison to that. Too often, I forget that in the long run, it doesn't matter if my kid gets straight A's (which they don't, by the way), or whether they practice the piano or guitar today, or even whether they brush their teeth three times today. None of these things matters when compared to their eternal life. And that's why I send them to the school they go to.
Oh, and they are actually leading me down that right path. Or closer to it. Definitely closer to God. I learn things from them about our faith, and they make me want to be a better person so that I can set a better example for them, so that they will always walk humbly with God.
And another great thing about our school...today was Sadie's 1st Reconciliation. And the 2nd grade teachers are amazing at preparing them for this wonderful and healing sacrament. Sadie was so cute when we got home and I handed her the list of sins she had written down (so she wouldn't forget any). As I handed her the paper, I said, "Are these your sins?" And she said, "No. Not anymore." Then as she walked inside, she said, "Woohoo! I'm CLEAN!!!" and then we shredded her sin list :) I'm so happy for her. Now just a little while longer and she will make her 1st Holy Communion!
Wow....a whole week behind. Yikes! It isn't that I am not thankful, and it isn't because I have forgotten about the 30 days of Thanksgiving. I blame it, instead, on how busy we were last week. Sadie was in a production of "Alice in Wonderland" and last week were all the dress rehearsals, and then all 8 performances Wednesday-Sunday. So, now I get to play catch-up.
Day 7: I was really hoping that on this day, I would be able to say that I am thankful we have a new president. Oh well. Instead, I am thankful for friends who don't kick me when I'm down, even if they were happy with the election outcome and have different political views than I do.
Day 8: I am thankful that I am not working this semester so that I was able to spend the day with Sadie for her school performances.
Day 9: I am thankful to my parents, who have always supported me in everything I do. They have taught me so much and molded me into the person I am now. Thanks mom and dad!
Day 10: I am thankful for all my siblings. I could make this 30 days thing really easy by giving a separate do to each of them, and they probably each deserve their own days. But, I decided to thank all 8 of them at once. At times, things have been crazy, especially when we all get together for the holidays, now that most of us have kids! But I love each and everyone of them with all my heart and know that I can go to them with any problems I have and they will always be there for me.
Day 11: I am thankful to all our military men and women who serve and protect us, often with little pay and not nearly the recognition and honor they deserve.
Day 12: I could say that I am thankful that I am caught up (for today, anyways) on this 30 days thing, but I won't. Or, I guess I did, but I won't let that be my "official" entry to day 12. Instead, today, I am thankful for coffee. My day is always so much better when it starts with coffee :)
I fear that there are going to be a lot of these "multi-day" posts. Even though I am trying to stay caught up, I just can't seem to be able to do it. Oh well.
So for yesterday, I am thankful that Toby was home to help me with all the running of kids around town that had to be done. And I am thankful that our kids are able to participate in activities (both school related and non-school related) that they enjoy and are good at. It provides the opportunity for us to talk about using the talents God gives us to glorify Him. It also helps them with prioritizing and decision-making because if we would let them, they would be in a lot more activities. So they have to pick the activities that are most important to them.
And for today...it's election day, so I am thankful that I am an American, where (at least for now), we have certain freedoms and liberties. I am thankful that I can vote and I am thankful for the men and women who have worked and sacrificed to make that possible. And hopefully tomorrow I can say that I am thankful about the outcome of today's election. Stay tuned...
Today I am thankful that I was born Catholic. As I have grown in my faith and started to really learn the *why* behind what the Catholic Church teaches, I am convinced that it teaches the fullness of truth. And I know that I am too stubborn and too anti-change to have ever converted if I hadn't been born Catholic. So I am grateful to be a cradle Catholic.
I am not saying this to bash any other religion. In fact, I would hope that everyone who has chosen a church to belong to has that same conviction about their church, because if you don't believe that the church you attend is teaching the fullness of truth, then why do you go to that church?
